lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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