It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
