another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
