Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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