Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
