my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
