hell yes lets make some ravioli
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
