it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
