Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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