70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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