I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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