Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
