This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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