Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize