I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
