I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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