the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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