im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
