You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Holy shit dude........stairs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
