"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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