I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Panties = found
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
