so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
