Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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