32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
