Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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