Moan for me like Helen Keller
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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