Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
And then he peed in my hair
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
