the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
