I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
