Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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