Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
