I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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