I think I won the penis lottery.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
