wrigley field is MILF paradise
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
