"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
