You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize