I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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