it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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