She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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