We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize