i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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