Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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