it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
