I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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