I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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