I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Too much gin, very little bucket
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
