I seem to have left my pride at pride
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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