I'm passing your future prison.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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