Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
