I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
