the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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