She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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