is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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