No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
