Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize