And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
