is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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