Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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