It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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