A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
