I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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