I look better un-naked...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
