I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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