Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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