You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
