Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well you can't waste a boner
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
