Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
