And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
