i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
