god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
