you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
