i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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