There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
